The Regrets We Have Made
by TheAngelofFate
Summary: An accident with one of Donnie's inventions causes Mikey to become trapped within a much darker New York then his own, a world where it looks like it has been through hell and back. And his only alley is someone that this world thought had died 31 years ago. Now Mikey must find a way to get back home, all the while finding out what happened to him and his brothers.
1. Chapter 1

I've had this idea in my head alot lately and since i can't get it out of my head, i decided to make a story out of it. I know that I'm probably biting off more then I can chew but I can't help it. Please keep in mind that even if I don't update this story as often as most would, that doesn't mean I have given up on it, it just means that I taking my time and thinking things through.

* * *

It started out with him being nothing but a helpful turtle.

Even though there were times he made something break or caused a mini explosion, even though he wasn't as smart as Donnie he took pride in being his brother's lab assistant. And Don himself seemed to enjoy the younger's company because he never truly got angry at him for doing something wrong. Not to the point where Mikey's feelings were hurt, and even if they weren't, Donnie would feel as though he said something wrong and would immediately apologize. Because that was the type of turtle he was.

And they all thought Mikey was the only sensitive one.

 _"So, Donnie whatcha working on?" He asked curiously with a smile on his face._

 _"Trying to synthesize this new power source for the new Tunneler I'm building. It's a very rare source of energy that Cody gave to me as a goodbye present before we came back home."_

 _Mikey grinned, leave it to Cody to make Don even more nerdy then he already was, "Can I help, master?" He teased as he pretended to be Igor to his brother's Frankenstein._

 _Don scoffed and whacked Mikey on the head playfully. "Yeah, you can hold these two wires separately while I go get something from the garage. Think you can do that?"_

 _Mikey had saluted his brother and grinned. "Aye Aye, captain!"_

And to his credit he was able to stay still and hold the wires without them touching for a good 10 minutes. But his brother was taking _forever_ and he was _so bored_ that he decided to start singing to past the time, then he found himself tapping his feet to the song he was singing, then he began drumming his free hand on the work bench and walls.

Mikey realized too late that in his attempt to entertain himself he accidentally knocked the large beaker filled with a glowing white blueish liquid off the shelf above him.

The liquid fell on his head and splashed everywhere, the wires he had been holding now sparked to life, a tingling erupted through his hand and traveled down his whole body. His vision blurred and he felt all kinds of wrong. He remembered looking at his hands and saw that they were slowly fading away, in fact his whole body was fading right before his eyes.

 _"D-Donnie!" He had screamed tears falling down his cheeks, completely and utterly terrified as to what was happening to him._

 _All three of this brothers came charging in with their weapons drawn, only to freeze in place as they looked at him in shock. "Mikey!" Donnie had cried out, rushing to him with his hand outstretched, only to pass right though him._

 _"Don! What's going on?!" Leo asked frantically, as he also tried to grab onto their younger brother, only to fail just as Donnie had._

 _Donnie shook his head, "I... I don't know!"_

 _"Well, fix it, brainiac!" Raph growled as he grabbed Donnie by the shoulders and shook him._

By then Mikey could only hear fractions of what his older brothers were saying. Because as his body disappeared so did his hearing. The last thing he heard was Leo, Raph and Don's terrified calls of his name.

Then... then there was nothing. He was nothing for what seemed like forever, his body was no longer there but his mind was still active, it floated in and endless sea of fog. He kept saying words like _stupid, stupid_ and _why am I such a screw up?!_ Now he was nothing... but he didn't _**want**_ to be nothing. He wanted to be solid and be with his brothers again.

A shriek left his mind, he called out to the nothingness to not let this be his fate.

 _Donnie!_

 _Leo!_

 _Raph!_

And then abruptly he was put back together. As if by magic he faded back into himself as if he had never disappeared at all. A combined amount of dizziness and nausea overpowered him and he fell to his knees. Slowly his vision returned and he looked up but was shocked to see that his brothers were no longer there, hell he wasn't even in the lair anymore. Mikey found himself outside in what looked like a desert?

Standing on shaky legs, he walked up a nearby hill to get a better look at his surroundings.

"What the hell?" He whispered under his breathe as he saw the waste land in front of him. Though it was slightly dark from the nighttime sky Mikey could clearly see that this wasn't just any desert, it wasn't a normal deserted place. This place looked like it had once been a beautiful area but then it was savagely burned to the ground.

 _Where am I?_ He wondered silently.

It was only when he felt a chill run down his spine did the shock of where he was finally wore off, someone was behind him, someone with ill intentions, someone that wanted to do him harm, shaking off the nausea that were still present, he sprung into action. Whipping out his nunchucks, he did a back flipped and hit his attacker with his weapons. His attackers surprised him by dodging his nunchucks and swirling away from him.

The silhouette began speaking to it's friend, "What is it?"

It's companion replied, "I think it is a person."

"No, it looks more like a turtle."

Soon they two started circling him like vultures. Their movements were... _strange_. It was as though they were snakes, they seemed to slither. And the way they gazed at him with hunger in their golden eyes, Mikey had a good idea at what they wanted from him.

"A _human_ turtle?"

"A _turtle_ human, yes yes."

"It's huge, a mutant?"

"I'm hungry, dinner time?"

"Yes _yes_ , dinner time."

Mikey glared at the creatures. There's no way he was going to be food for these things, not when there was something he could do about it. "Hey! I don't know who you guys are, but Michelangelo is no one's dinner!"

"It speaks! How _strange_."

"Yes, but see I am still hungry."

"Agreed, let's feast together."

They attacked and Mikey yelped as he dodged out of the way. He's never seen an enemy so fast before. They were both even faster then Hisomi Shisho and he was ninja mystic god. If that was the case then he was totally screwed, but that doesn't mean he was going to go down without a fight.

No, _no sir._ He'd fight, just like he always has.

But soon Mikey realized that the more he hit them with his nunchucks the slipperier they were becoming. He cried out in pain as sharp teeth sank deep into the skin on his shoulder. He fell to his knees and gripped his arm. His fighting strength now gone from the pain and exhaustion.

They laughed at his pitiful attempts to survive, saying that he was within a world with no hope even if the alien that conquered it was gone, they called him weak and troublesome, then sprung to finish him off.

Mikey closed his eyes and waited for the final blow that would end his life, and when it hadn't he opened them to see the creatures were no longer there. Standing in the place of where the monsters once stood, was a person. "Who the hell are you and why are you here?" The voice that spoke to him was gruff, cold and angry. But... he knew that voice even if it was different then the one he was so often use to hearing, he _knew_ that voice.

Then as the nighttime clouds passed by the moon giving the area he was in the slightest bit of light, Mikey saw them.

A long, tattered purple bandanna hanging off the man's neck as it swayed in the wind and a Bo staff behind his back. Mikey had no idea how this was possible, he couldn't understand what was going on but all that mattered to him was that it was, and he couldn't be more happy. This man wasn't a man at all, he was a turtle.

He was Donatello.

"Don?" He said as he put his weapons away and stood up on his feet, holding out his hands.

The man growled and lunged at him. "Don't you dare call me that!" He sneered at him as Mikey found himself on his shell in the dirt. "Don't _ever_ call me that again!"

Mikey cried out in pain and panic as he felt a knife being pressed to his throat. "D-Donnie! It's... It's me! M-Mikey!" He explained as his heart beat a million miles a minute. The figure stiffened above him and the young turtle opened his eyes and saw Don's own chocolate brown ones staring at him in shock.

"M-Mikey?" The voice was no longer filled with blood lust and hate, the pressure on top of him abruptly disappeared and Mikey was finally able to sit up. As he did so, he saw that his brother was sitting in the dirt, looking absolutely shell shocked.

"Donnie?" He whispered as he placed a hand on his brother's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

Donnie then sprang forward and Mikey instinctively stiffened at the act, only to realize that his brother was just hugging him. "M-Mikey! Oh... _**Mikey**_! You're— You're here... B-But how? She told me— told me you all... were all— _God_ , Mikey!" He heard Donnie sob out his arms tightened around and he felt tears drip down his neck. Hearing the purely broken anguish in his older brother's voice caused tears of his own to fall down his face.

He returned Don's embrace and clung to him just as tightly. "Donnie, what's— what's going on? I don't know— I don't understand where I am or how I got here... I'm scared, Don." He couldn't help that his voice quivered, he knew he must sound like a child. Knew that a 16 year old like himself must look pathetic bawling like a baby, but he couldn't help it, he was sensitive, tears came easily to him when he was sad, angry, or scared. It's just who he was. The weight of all that's happened to him hit him all at once and he couldn't stand it anymore, not on his own.

Donnie then pulled away from him enough to look at him, his tear stricken face shining in the moon light. Slowly, he brought a hand up and gently wiped away his tears with the pads of his thumbs. He gave Mikey a small smile, he pressed their foreheads together. "It's okay." His brother said as he embraced him again. "It's okay, Mikey. We'll figure this out, okay?"

Mikey nodded as he breathed in a hitched breathe. Putting his trust in his brother as he always had, he'd be okay.

Everything was going to be fine.

* * *

If it wasn't obvious, Mikey has now been transported to the SAINW universe, since we know that time works differently in any dimension, future Leo, Raph, and Mike have been dead for about a year, and future Donnie just found all this out not too long ago. Which is why his reaction to Mikey was the way it was.

SAINW has always been my favorite episode of the 2k3 series for how dark it all is. Especially since it's about my favorite turtle Donnie! =3

Anyway would you guys like me to continue this? Or is it just a waste of my time?

Please leave a review on your thoughts on this and I'll see you all soon.


	2. Chapter 2

The fog of sleep drifted away and soon he found himself awake. He groaned and curled into himself, his body ached and his head swam. _What the hell happened to me? Why am I so damn sore?_ For a moment he couldn't recall anything, but then he did only it didn't feel real to him. "Man, I had the strangest dream." Mikey murmured to himself as he let out a yawn.

"Heh, sorry. But that wasn't a dream." A sudden voice spoke out causing Mikey to let out a surprised scream, his eyes snapped out and he sat up. His vision blurred from sitting up so quickly for a second or two, he shook his head. Once it cleared, his gaze immediately fell on Donnie, now that the sun was out he was able to get a good look at his big brother. Scars covered Don's olive green skin from head to toe, a scouter from that anime show Angel had told him about a few months back was attached to his brother right eye, his shoulder and knee pads they all use to wear were now replaced with metal ones along with black combat boots and device that Mikey _hoped_ and _prayed_ was not permanently strapped to his Donnie's shell.

To say that his brother looked like he been through hell and back would be an understatement.

Placing a hand over he fast beating heart, he puffed out a sigh. "Man, Don. Give a turtle a heart attack why don'tcha?"

Donnie smiled at him, "Sorry, Mike. How's your shoulder feel?"

Mikey continued to stare at him, slowly he rolled his arm in a circle to test the pain, "Meh, I've had worse." He said casually as he adjusted himself int a more comfortable sitting position. "Sooo, I'm not dreaming, aren't I?"

Don hummed quietly, "Afraid not."

He pulled a face and let out a long groan. "Great... Where the hell am I then?"

"I think the proper term is _when_ are you."

 _Say what now?_ He thought as he looked at Don and saw that his brother's face was completely serious. _When_ was he? Mikey was already confused out of his mind. Didn't that imply that he wasn't in another dimension like he had been when Drako had beamed them all a crossed space and time? But did that mean he was in the time portion more then the Space?

"Are you telling me that I'm in the future?"

"At first I didn't believe it either, but looking at you and seeing that you haven't aged a day, I immediately knew that you are from the past." Even as Donnie explained it all to him, gave him various facts and data because that's what Donatello did best, spout knowledge. Still Mikey couldn't believe it. No, no, he _wouldn't_ believe it, he refused to. He had already been to the future, it was bright, it was peaceful, that future had Cody and future tech he could wait to be invented so he could play it all over again. This... this place— this dark and gloomy place couldn't be the future. Not his future!

Unless...

 _"But Cody scientist theorize that there maybe more then_ _ **one**_ _future, depending upon the choices each of us makes along the way."_

Unless he had done something to screw up the timeline so badly that this place was what he and his family had to look forward too. He moaned, his heart rate picked up again as he placed a hand over his plastron and exhaled a shaky breathe. "Oh god, but... but— This can't be real, I was already in... Is this my fault? Did I do something wrong?" It made since now, this was all his fault.

Then Donnie was right in front of him, his hands grasped his shoulders, telling him to calm down and to breathe. "Whoa, easy Mikey! None of this is your fault, I promise you, little brother that it's not.." He heard his brother paused for a second as he winced. "Everything that happened here is no ones fault but my own."

"Don?" Mikey breathed out as he tried to level his breathing from his minor panic attack. He wondered what exactly had Donnie meant when he said everything was his fault. But Don merely smiled at him and rubbed the top of his head affectionately. "Why don't we go for a walk?" He asked as he cleared his throat "And along the way you can tell me what happened to you?" He asked as he stood up and held out his hand for Mikey to take.

Mikey nodded as he took his brother's hand, gratefully. "Okay."

* * *

"Then I was fading away right in front of you guys— Well the younger versions you and Leo and Raph. The next thing I knew I was being attack by those creatures that wanted to eat me." Mikey explained as he and Donatello walked the vast deserted area, it looked worse in the daytime then he does at night. "What were those things, anyway?"

"Their called _Anguis,_ they have knack for attacking people who are alone at night, though they only do so when someone invades their turf, no one really knows where they came from. They just... showed up one day and claimed this area as their home."

Mikey looked at his brother in wonder, a thought rose to the surface of his mind. "Wait, before you found me, weren't you alone?"

Don nodded. "Yeah."

"How come they didn't attack you?"

A strange, far off look appeared on his brother's face as he gazed out into the outskirts of the desert. "They know better not too."

A shiver ran down Mikey's spine as he heard Donnie's voice drop an octave. He sounded deadly serious. Mike wondered just what happened to Don that made him sound so intimidating, this wasn't the same turtle that he had grown up with for the past 16 years, Donnie had changed.

"So you think there's a way to send me home?" Mikey asked wanting to change the subject and get that look off of his brother's face. It seemed to work, because the color in Donnie's eyes went back to their normal shade of chocolate brown.

"I think so. If we keep walking we'll be able to make it to New York in no time." Mike skidded to a stop at those words.

"New York? That's where we headed?"

"Yes, I believe there is someone there that can help."

"Are you sure, _Double_ _D_?"

Don rolled his eyes and gave him a smile, ignoring his teasing question. "So you said my younger self was working on rebuilding the Tunneler with an energy source given to him by someone name Cody?"

Mikey slide down a sandune as he remember the red headed teen who became almost like a little brother to him. "Yeah, Cody is April and Casey's great grandson. He created this window thingy so he could see us in action, you know being ninjas and kicking some bad guy shell, but it didn't go so well. By the time we got back home we had been gone for a year."

"Hm, and how exactly was that future?"

He bubbled up with excitement at that question. "Oh man, Don. Do I have four words for you. _So. Many. Video. Games!_ And we were all able to walk around outside in the daytime without people being scared of us because alien and humans lived together. It was all so amazingly perfect!" Mikey said with joy in his eyes and a grin on his face.

Donnie listen intently to each word his little brother spoke, a small smile of fondness spread a crossed his features. Mike saw this and paused for a moment. "What?" He asked curiously, raising his hands up, he patted his cheeks. "Something on my face?"

Don shook his head and continued to stare at Mikey. "No, it's just... I didn't realize how much I missed it."

Mikey tilted his head and frowned. "Missed what?"

"You're smile." His brother scoffed softly. "You're laugh, you're optimism. Everything else." The older turtle slowly eased his way to the ground and rubbed a hand against his forehead, looking so very sad and guilt-ridden.

The younger swallowed and gently placed a hand on his brother's shoulder as he had done before. "Donnie?" He questioned gently, wanting Don to open up but didn't want to rush him. He knew that this was going to be really hard for the other turtle to explain, given the condition that the world looks like it has gone through several world wars. "I've been here for more then three hours, the sun's already coming down, for reason's I don't know why. And you still haven't told me why you think all this is your fault."

The genius turtle pressed his lips into a thin line and closed his eyes. "I can't tell you." He whispered, fear overflowed his eyes as he look at his scarred hands. "You'll end up hating me."

Mikey tried to not feel hurt by those words, he really did. But he was having a difficult time doing so. "Donnie— Dude, c'mon. I could never hate you, you're my best friend." The younger offered one of his signature smiles of reassurance. "We're brothers."

Don let those words sink in before he spoke again, "The reason I said it was my fault, that this whole future is my fault, was because it is. When I was 19, I did something that changed everything, I did something that I'll never be able to forgive myself for as long as I live."

Mikey tightened his grip on Donnie to give him the support he needed. "What did you do?"

"I left you guys."

And Michelangelo felt the ground disappear from under him.

* * *

For a moment he didn't say anything. For three long solid minutes he remained exactly in the same position, frozen in place as he processed the words that were just spoken to him. But... no, no! He couldn't accept those words, he wouldn't. He denied and screamed them within his head that they weren't true. He denied so strongly that Donatello would leave them, he wouldn't do something so cruel. But by the look on his brother's face as he said that for worded sentence, it was obvious that Don didn't just go on vacation or left for some extra training by Master Splinter's request.

No, he _left left_. As in for good, as in he didn't bother to write them a note to say where he was going, as he packed his bags and disappeared into the night and never came back.

But— No, no!

No, this was Donnie for _god's sake_! Donnie would never up and leave them for no reason, leave him without saying where he was going. He refused to believe that the genius, kind-hearted and compassionate turtle that was Donatello would just... leave. But then why else would the future be like this? Why was the fate of the future resting on Don's shoulders? Why was everything in ruins just because Donnie was no longer living with them?

Or was that the crux of the problem? Because Donnie had _choose_ to leave, willingly and without command, as if he didn't care about them anymore?

Mikey retracted his hand from Don's shoulder as if he'd been severely burned. His heart was beating so fast that he thought it was going to burst from his plastron, he laid a hand against it and squeezed, wanting to try and reveal some of the growing pressure that was inside of it. Tears of betrayal welled in his eyes and he shook his head.

"No." He muttered finally as he stood up. "No, no way."

"Mikey?" Donnie's gently voice spoke out as he stood up as well. Don outstretched his hand just as he had done before Mikey had faded away, in both ways it was it was Don trying to be there for his younger brother, wanting to comfort him. But Mike found himself backing away from his brother not out of fear but disbelief. "No, you just... no."

"Mike—"

"You left us—"

"Mikey, let—"

"You're telling me that during the night you just took off and left?"

"Let me explain—"

Mikey closed his eyes and gripped the sides of his skull with both hands, "No, there's no excuse for that." Mikey said as he opened his eyes, showing his brother the hurt within them. "No excuse for _**leaving**_ us willingly."

"I'm sorry, Mikey. _Please—_ "

"You abandoned us."

Donnie froze at that his hand falling to his side and he looked down at the ground. The fact that Donnie wasn't denying his words about abandoning them made Mikey feel even more heart broken. To think that one day his brother might one day leave them all behind as if they didn't matter any more, it hurt to much to think about, he could hardly bare the utter pain of it all.

He hated this, he hated this time so much, giving him this kind of information was cruel and uncalled for, he was the wrong person to deal with all of this. All he wanted was to be with _his_ brothers again, with Casey and April, with Angel and Master Splinter. He just wanted to go _home_. A sob escaped his lips as the tears flowed thick and heavy down his cheeks, not being able to take it any longer, Mikey turned and took off running, he know where he was running too, he had no destination, all that he knew was that he wanted to get far away from his brother, and because he wanted that it made him feel ten times worse.

"Mikey!" He heard Donnie calling to him, he heard him chasing after him, but Mike no longer cared. He just kept running, tears blurred his vision so he couldn't see what was in front of him. And when the younger turtle found that he had run out of ground to walk on, when he found himself falling, even when he tumbled down at a speed that would leave any normal person with a broken neck, and even when he hit the bottom with a sickening thud and the wind was knocked out of him, Michelangelo found that he didn't care.

The only thing that made his body move, that made it stand up and continued running blindly was sheer force of will, without it, he wouldn't have bothered to get up at all.

"Michelangelo!" A voice yelled out as arms wrapped around him, abruptly. Immediately Mikey began fighting back, he struggled and scratched to get out of the arms holding him. " _ **Let go**_! Fucking let me _go_ , Donnie!"

"Mikey— Please, _please!_ Stop! You're injured, please you have to stop!"

But Mike wasn't listening, all that was filling his thoughts and pounding in his head was that Donnie was going to leave him someday. "You're going to abandon us— you're my best friend, Donnie! _How could you!?_ " He cried out loudly as he used all his strength to pull himself away from his brother, only for Don to tighten his arms around his plastron and pulled Mikey closer to his own.

"I'm sorry." He heard Donnie whisper as he laid his forehead into the croak of his neck and continued to hug him from behind. "I'm so so sorry, Mikey. I know I made an awful mistake, please forgive me." Don's voice cracked as he spoke.

And Mikey was so overwhelmed with hurt and rage and though it was so uncharacteristic, it was so unlike him to show so much sadness and anger all at once but soon even that side of Michelangelo, the side some rarely ever saw shattered into pieces. He collapsed against his brother, feeling completely defeated and numb, he cried semi silent tears as he held on to Don's arm in a vice grip, silently thinking that if he held on to this version of his Donnie tight enough then maybe he could prevent the one from his time from leaving.

"Please, don't leave me, _aniki_... Please." He begged and pleaded with all his might and with everything he was, as he used the Japanese word 'big brother' Leo had taught them, hoping that if that word meant as much to his brothers as it does for him, that a crossed time and space his Donnie and the rest of his brothers would be able to hear him calling.

Arms tightened around him at his words, pulling him closer.

"I'm sorry, _otouto_. I'm so very sorry."

* * *

Aaaand Chapter 2 is now done!

Nothing really happens in this chapter other then Mikey finding out what future Donnie did. Okay well that _is something_ but it just gave me a chance to write more Donnie and Miley hugs, which be prepared! There will be a lot of them! =)

So thoughts on this chapter? Should I still continue it? Should I not? Please remember to leave a review and I'll see you guys soon.


	3. Chapter 3

Donatello knew he had screwed up. He knew he screwed up all those years ago when he left his family, when he saw what the future had become because of him, he _knew_ he screwed up when he realized what happened to his brothers during his absence, but mostly Donnie knew without a shadow of a doubt that he screwed up in telling his little brother —this younger version of his little brother— of what he had done.

For after the tears had stopped falling and after Don had disinfected and bandaged his brother injuries when he fell off that cliff, Mikey refused to say a word to him. Not one and that was what was worrying Donatello, Mikey was never the type of turtle to stop talking, Don had fond memories before he left of a rambunctious Michelangelo who never stopped running his mouth, he always had something to say, always had something on his mind that he couldn't wait to tell his brother's about.

But now since Mikey wasn't talking, Don knew that it was his fault just like everything else was. _I have to fix this._ He thought desperately. The thought of Mikey not talking was bad enough but Mikey not talking to _Donnie_ when he was so very much alive and not dead like he had been told was something he couldn't handled.

"H-Hey, Mikey. When we get to New York I think there are still spots there that serve pizza, maybe we can go there if your hungry?" Don said as he chanced a glance in his brother's direction. Mikey loved pizza, you'd think that mentioning his favorite food would get a reaction out of him, but there was none, absolutely nothing- not even a twitch. "Or I think there's still a comic book store somewhere, we can go there too if you want."

Still nothing, it was as if his brother was tuning him out.

A lump grew in his throat, nothing was working. Usually the mention of Mikey's favorite things in the world would always be the number one thing to make him smile or get him excited. But not this time and that pulled at Don's heartstrings, he took away Mikey's smile for a second time, he took away Mike's innocence just like before. His emotions getting the better of him he turned around he grasped Mikey shoulders.

"Mikey! Please talk to me! Please, you have to talk to me, tell me what's wrong." Even though he already knew what was wrong, Don was basically babbling at this point.

Still nothing, not a single word. Donnie hung his head in defeat, he let his hands fall to his sides, he turned around and kept walking,

 _ **You did this.**_

 _ **You did this.**_

 ** _Are you proud of yourself?_**

The voices of guilt and doubt ran through his head. Telling him how much of a failure he was, how he failed his family and failed his brother, how horrible he was because he abandoned them. Because of what he did to Mikey just now. _What was I thinking? How could I have told him that I left?! What kind of brother am I!?_

"Don?"

Donnie froze as he heard that voice. That voice cut through the other ones that said horrible things to him, that voice cut through them all and made them disappear for the time being. He whipped around and saw Mikey staring back at him with a look of seriousness and a tad bit of fear. Don chance a step forward and was relieved when Mikey didn't take a step back.

"Yeah, Mikey?"

Mikey looked at the ground for a moment before looking back at him, "What happened to our brothers in this future? What happened to me?"

It took a few minutes for Don to process what exactly Mikey was saying, what his little brother was asking for him to do. _Is he crazy? Why would he want to know more about this terrible future? Why would he want to know the fate of his future self and the fate of everyone else?_ Then it occurred to Donnie, after the trauma he just put Mike through, after failing him for a second time. He realized that -though it may only cause more harm then good- telling Michelangelo exactly what happened was the least he could do.

Nervously, he sat down on the ground and motioned Mikey to do the same. "Alright, what do you want to know first?" He asked as he tried to keep his voice calm.

"How did this all begin?" Mikey replied as Don watched his brother gestured towards everything.

"I don't know all the details because I was... long gone. But from what Angel told me after I came back to New York the Shredder somehow was able to take over the entire world, he enslaved the people, the Utroms and made them work for him, there were wars that were fought to try and take Shredder down with April being their leader." Don paused a minute to inhale a deep breathe as he continued his story. "Then Angel said that a younger version of me just appeared one day and helped killed the Shredder."

Don glanced at Mikey and saw youngster's eyes widen when he spoke those words. "A younger version of you?"

Donnie nodded, "Before when I was given this information I couldn't figure it out, but you being here with me, I was able to figure out that this younger me is _you're_ Donatello. The one from a past that you and him are both from."

"That can't be true! Donnie never said anything to—" Mikey abruptly stopped as if he came to a sudden realization. "Ultimate Drako." He heard Mike whisper.

"A year or two ago my brothers and I were sent a crossed different dimensions. I was sent to a place where we were all superheroes, Raph was sent to an intergalactic racing planet, and Leo to his friend Usagi's world. When we all got back home, we all told stories about the worlds we were in. But Donnie... My Donnie didn't say a word about what he saw. And we- we never pushed him to tell us even when we knew he was having nightmares. Leo and Master Splinter said that he would tell us when he was ready." Mike paused a second time as he truly let what he just said sink in. "Do you think that—"

Don nodded, "What's giving him nightmares is this place, what he saw here traumatized him." Confirming what his brother was trying to say as he continued on this his story. "After Shredder's defeat, all the enslaved people were released and the Utroms were set free, the portal the Shredder had made to conquer other worlds was destroyed and the fallen all had a proper burial." Donnie swallowed thickly, a lump was growing in his throat as he neared the part where he really didn't want to discuss, it hurt too much.

"And... And when I asked what happened to my brothers and my father— Angel told me that Master Splinter died a few years after I left, she said that over the years Leo lost his sight and Raph lost an eye and Mikey—" Don flinched instinctively as he could no longer look at Michelangelo. He couldn't look at his little brother, he was too ashamed.

"He had lost his left arm." He finally forced out as his voice crack just slightly. His heart clinched, never in these last few months has he ever spoken aloud about what happened to his family. Never has he told anyone what he had done and how his family suffered for his decision. Donnie just kept quiet. "And when I ask Angel what became of them, of my brothers, I was told that they were the casualties that had died when the Shredder was killed." He squeezed his eyes shut as tears fell down his cheeks. Placing a hand over his eyes, he tried to wipe them away but he couldn't. They just kept coming and Don feared they wouldn't stop. He felt like he was in pit, the utter guilt of _everything_ he's done was slowly drowning him, this was all his fault.

Then a gentle hand on his shoulder snapped him out of his pit of despair. It was none other then Mikey, his little brother that was the embodiment of innocence and laughter and affection before Don had messed everything up. Mikey gave Donnie a look of concern as well as that smile he missed so much over these last 30 years.

Aqua baby blue eyes stared up at his own chocolate brown ones, they held fear but also forgiveness. Even after knowing what he does now, knowing that his own big brother had abandoned him, that the whole world was going to become so horrible because of Don, Michelangelo had forgiven him anyway. And that is what shattered the dam of emotions within Donatello's heart.

The tears cascaded freely down his face as he launched himself at his baby brother just like he had done when Mikey had first arrived here.

And he cried, he cried more then he had back then. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" The words spilled from his mouth, the very words he always wished he could say to the brothers he had left behind, that he had abandoned all because he thought... he thought he was— "I'm so sorry, Mikey!"

"It's alright, Donnie." Mikey simply said as he returned his embrace and rubbed his shell. "It's alright, big brother."

* * *

After Don's breakdown had subsided they both continued on to make their way to New York, by the time they could even see the silhouette of the city it was already dark out. They decided to stop and finish their journey in the morning. As they laid down on the hard ground, Donnie found that he had become very clingy to the younger after his... episode. He always made sure that he had some type of physical contact with his baby brother Even now as they gazed up at the stars above them Donnie had Mikey wrapped in in his arms. But if Mikey had also noticed his big brother's behavior, he didn't comment on it.

Don smiled as he listened to Mikey ask him questions upon questions. "So you've meet Leatherhead and Honeycutt, you've fought the Triceratons and a Monster Octopus that makes you see your worst fears?" And Donnie just nodded, even though remembering Necro Monster was a bit... unsettling. He was just happy Mikey was talking to him again. "Yeah, those events happened too."

"What about us competing in an multi-universal tournament?"

Don couldn't help the smile that spread a crossed his face. Gently, he patted his brother's shoulder playfully. "Hello, Mr. Battle Nexus Champion." The look on Mikey's face as he said that, the pure and utter delightful expression made Donnie's heart explode with love, a deep platonic love that he was never shy about to express with his baby brother.

"Oh _**yeah**_! That's right, Donnie! That's _me_! I'm the greatest fighter in the whole multiverse!" Mikey cheered loudly, the octave may have hurt his hearing just a tad, but he honestly didn't care. As long as that smile remained on Mikey's face then loss of hearing for a short while was worth it.

"Whatever you say, Mikey." Don laughed as he rubbed the younger's head affectionately. He tightened his arms around his brother more when he heard him giggle. **_Giggle_** , _god_ he hasn't heard that sound in _so long_ , and not just because of these 30 years but because Mikey stopped doing that when he hit 15 years old.

Mikey stiffened in his arms. "OH!"

Don looked down at him, curious as to what got his brothers attention.

"The Battle Nexus!" The younger cried out in realization. "I'm such an idiot! Donnie! I can go to the Battle Nexus and have the Damiyo send me home!"

The smile disappeared from his face.

"I remember the symbols we used when we first traveled there but Leo was the one who did the chant." Mikey said as started thinking of ways to get around this problem. "You're smart, Don. You have a photographic memory, right? Do you remember the chant?"

He did. He knew the chant Leo had recited to open up the multiverse Battle Nexus, even after all these years he still remembered. But, the thing was; Donnie has been alone for so long, and he had so much guilt inside him, so much self hate towards himself and now with Mikey around, even if it was not _his_ Michelangelo, it made him— made _everything_ better. Mikey's smile and love for him made the negative thoughts and emotions go away, even if it was for a short while.

Mikey made him feel whole again, and even as the younger stared at him with hopeful aqua blue eyes. Donnie couldn't, he couldn't give Mikey the answer he was hoping for. He knew it was selfish of him to choose his own happiness over the younger versions of himself, Leo and Raph, to deny them of the love and innocence of their Michelangelo. But Don couldn't give his baby brother up, not after he just got him back.

"Sorry Mikey. It's been 31 years, even _my_ memory has faded with time."

The disappointment and sadness that took over Mikey's features were enough to almost make him come clean and tell his brother the truth, but instead it only made Donnie hate himself just a little bit more, at how selfish he was being. But couldn't help it, he needed his baby brother around more then anyone else. "Oh..."

"But don't worry, I'm sure we'll find another way to send you home. And I'll be with you every step of the way." He said as he rubbed circles on the back of the youngster's shell just as Mikey had done for him. His heart warming up again with affection as Mikey smiled up at him and nodded his head. "Thanks, Donnie." A yawn fell from his brother's mouth as his eyes drooped shut.

"Thanks for helping me." The younger ninja said as he drifted off to sleep. Donnie watched Mikey's peaceful face as he slept. Yes, there was no doubt that having him beside him was making things better. Slowly, bit by bit. He could feel the empty space inside his heart disappearing and that's why he was determined to keep him here with him.

He wasn't ready to let him go again.

Shifting his body he pulled Michelangelo closer to him and placed a chaste kiss on top of his head.

"Anytime, little brother."

* * *

And I'm back with another chapter~!

This took me awhile to write since it was in Donnie's perspective. But still had fun writing it regardless if it took me 13 days to write out. I also want to clarify something right off the bat; Donnie isn't evil here. Choosing to lie to Mikey and say he didn't remember how to get to the Battle Nexus was not Don becoming evil.

True, he made that decision out of his own desire to not feel alone anymore and to get rid of the guilt he has been feeling for so long. And it is a selfish decision but remember this Donatello is a very broken soul. He's absolutely terrified that he won't be able to function if this Mikey isn't with him, he has become _that_ depended on his little brother even if it only been a short while since he's been with him.

And if Leo and Raph were there also, Don would be the exact same way with them too. Still, don't worry, his lie won't last for too long.

Anyway, thoughts on this chapter? Is it still worth my time? Please leave them in a review on what you thought and I'll see you all soon!


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry, this took me a little while longer to get out guys, I've been in a bit of a slump and procrastinating BUT now I am back and ready to give you guys more brotherly feels.

So please sit back, relax and enjoy chapter 4!

* * *

"So this is New York?" Mikey breathed out, his voice filled with awe and bewilderment as he gazed at his surroundings. Don had warned Mikey ahead of time that the city he once knew would be extremely different compared to the one he's known for the past 16 years of his life. And Mikey prepared himself for what he was about to see...

Or at least, he tried to.

For what he actually saw sent shivers down his spine. The breath was almost knocked from his as he got a good look at what remained of his home. He heard Donnie sigh deeply next to him, a hint of sadness lurk in his words as he spoke them out. "Yes, unfortunately. The Shredder may be gone for good here but that doesn't mean his rule over everything didn't have... lasting side effects. Money, as well as resources is scarce here as well as in other parts of the world so rebuilding everything is a slow effort." Donnie paused for a moment as he took Mikey's hand and lead him through a tiny crowd of people.

"They don't seem to be scared of us." Mike quietly commented to his older brother who simply shrugged his shoulders. "Mutant Turtles were the ones that freed them from decades worth of slavery, naturally they'd be grateful to all it's kind." Don finished as he finally let go of Mikey's hand once they were out of the crowd.

Abruptly, the youngest turtle came to a stop when he felt a small tap on his arm. He turned and saw a child standing behind him, looking no more then around 7 to 9 years old. "Um... Hi!" The child said with a wide toothy grin, gently the boy reached into his backpack and pulled out a small statue of what appeared to be him and his brothers in various heroic poses. "I made this in school today! I was going to sell this to buy some lumber for my dad but seeing you I just _knew_ I had to give this to you, to tell you that your kind is amazing and you are all my heroes!"

And with those innocent words the boy walked away before Mikey could even get a word out. Clutching the tiny statue in his hands, he turned to Donnie who had a sad look on his face. "Don?" His voice above a whisper.

"Growing up in a world like this most of the children here are... _too_ kind for their own good." Donnie stated sound equal parts exhausted and guilty. And then they continued walking side by side.

"Here we are." Donnie announced as he opened the door to a building that looked more intact then the rest of the city itself and gestured Mikey to follow him, inside the building were a multitude of people rushing around the place, some looked to be construction workers, others to be firemen, and marksmen as well as woman too. And at the center of everyone stood one person, a woman with purple hair tided in a ponytail.

 _No way!_ Mikey couldn't help but think. There was no way that could be—

"Hey Angel, got a minute?" Donnie called out to the woman who turned around and looked almost as shock as Mikey felt. She definitely wasn't the small teenager he knew back in his time anymore. As she walked over to meet them, Mikey couldn't help but realized she looked like April a bit.

Donnie gave her a wave and a smile. And Mikey couldn't help but feel a little nostalgic, thinking how nice it was to see another familiar face.

Mikey yelped back in shock as he witnessed Angel slap his brother a crossed the face, the sound echoed throughout the building causing everyone to go quiet. "What the _**hell**_ are you doing here, Donatello?"

Don rubbed his cheek and laughed a little. " _Good_ to see you again too, Angel."

Angel crossed her arms and glared at him. "Answer the question, I remember I told you very clearly you weren't allowed back here."

Mikey watched as his brother straighten up and saw that the two of them were almost at equal height. "I don't think April would have agreed to that." Don said as he mimicked Angel's position and crossed his arms as well. "Or Casey."

Angel's face turned bright red from anger. "April left the city to me when she passed away and Casey died years ago."

"I would have been here if I'd known." Donnie snapped, his voice getting dangerously low and scary.

"Well who's fault is that?" Angel retorted venomously.

Don glared daggers at the woman they once called their friend. Mikey let out a fake cough to break the tension in the air. They both jumped, obviously startled. Angel looked in his direction.

He grinned and gave her a smile. "Um, hi Angel.." He was cut off when Angel barreled into him, her arms wrapped around his shell and she squeezed him tight.

" _M-Mikey!?_ " Her tough girl demeanor gone and was now replaced with her more sensitive side that Mikey was use to seeing. "How's it going dudette?" He asked as he hugged her in return. She laughed and Mikey felt accomplished.

"I-I'm dreaming, aren't I?"

"Having dream about me is an effect I have on people."

"Hehe." She chuckled and Mikey felt triumphant. But then the nice moment ended when Angel let go of Mikey and swirled around to meet Don's, "What did you do now, Donatello?" Her eyes flashed in warning and she looked ready for a fight. "I swear to _god_ Donnie.."

"Whoa chill, girl!" The young turtle said as he stepped in between his brother and the wrath of Angel. "This isn't Don's fault. This is all on me!"

The woman ran a hand through her purple hair. "Is he telling the truth, Donatello?"

Donnie nodded, "He was transported here from the past."

"Do you have a way to send me home?"

Angel sighed as she looked doubtful. "I don't think so Mikey. Our technology is advanced and we can travel to other dimensions but cracking time travel is not something we can do, especially in the state the city is in right now." She stated sadly as she walked over to the only computer they had. But as she did so, Angel could have sworn she saw Donatello smile a little when she said those words.

"I was going to use the Battle Nexus to get home, but Donnie doesn't remember the chant or the symbols." Mikey said as he placed his hand on his older brother's shoulder.

The smile vanished.

Now she understood. "What are you talking about, Mikey? Of course he knows how to get to the Battle Nexus. When I told him what happened to his family he went immediately to the Daimyo and asked if he could fix it, but the Daimyo said he couldn't fix or bring back the dead."

"Angel, stop!" Donnie said loudly as he pulled out his Bo staff.

Mikey looked shocked and confused. "B-But he said—"

Angel sighed, "Donne lied to you, Mikey."

And Michelangelo felt ice wash over his veins, he felt his heart break. "N-No..." Tears pooled in his eyes. He rounded and meet Donnie, " _No!_ " Wanting desperately for his brother to deny it, deny Angel's words.

"Mikey—" The look he gave him said it all and Mikey found himself flinched back as Don reached his hand out to him. "Little brother, please let me explain."

But Mikey couldn't take it, this was the second time Donnie has hurt him, and that was wrong. He couldn't even begin to describe how wrong that was, Don was suppose to continuously betray and hurt him, none of his brothers were. They were suppose to be there for him, like they always have been. He couldn't take anymore pain, not for the second time, he couldn't take it again. Michelangelo bolted away from Donatello. Completely ignoring his brother's desperate calls. Donnie was frozen to the spot as he watched Mikey run out of the building.

Anger flared within him, swirling around he glared at Angel. "What the hell is wrong with you!?"

Angel scoffed, "Think of it as pay back, for abandoning us all."

He gaped at her in disbelief, turning he ran after his brother.

* * *

Don came back to Angel's building a few hours later physically and emotionally exhausted, he looked for Mikey, called out to him and begged him to let him explain why he had lied, no luck. But Mikey always was good at hiding, especially when he didn't want to be found. And considering what Donnie did he did not blame his little brother for running away this time just like he didn't blame him from running the first time either. He's made so many mistakes, and he keeps making them because he keeps making bad decisions. But for one moment he felt hopeful, when Angel said that they didn't have a way to send Michelangelo home, the relief made him feel lighter then air, but then that moment ended when Angel opened her mouth. And it _sickened_ him, seeing just how much he's changed... how much his heart has darkened over the past 30 years. That he wanted his brother to be forever stuck here and that he wanted to _strangle_ Angel for telling him about the Daimyo and the Battle Nexus.

Look at how far he's fallen, what would Master Splinter think of him?

He leaned against the wall and rubbed his tired eyes. Why did he ever think he could ever be happy, after what he did? Why did it ever cross his mind that he could just keep Mikey here in a time he's not familiar with, that he could try and pick up where he left off as if he never left in the first place?

 _What is wrong with me?_ He thought, miserably. And just like that the voices came back.

 _ **Monster—**_

 _ **Vile creature, horrible brother.**_

 _ **Wishful murderer.**_

 _ **How could you be so cruel and dishonest?**_

 _ **You don't deserve to exist.**_

The words were drowning him, without someone around him— without Mikey by his side the voices come back just like they always managed to do.

"Seeing the look on your face I'm guessing you didn't find him?"

Donnie sighed, "Why did you tell Mikey about me knowing how to get to the Battle Nexus?"

"I told you, it was—"

"Payback, yeah I got that." Donatello interrupted as he rubbed his eyes in frustration. "Though to me it looked more like a whole lot of revenge then payback."

"Funny, I don't see a difference."

Don let out a huff of bitter laughter, he figured that she didn't, she never did see a definitive difference between the two words. "You know, even if April was as mad at me as you are, she never would have done that, even after what I did, she wouldn't have done that to Mikey.

"And as you know, she isn't here. None of them are, thanks to you."

Donatello sighed for the second time, "Angel, _please_." He asked, almost begged. "Let's not fight, I'm not in the mood."

"If you're worried about Mikey that badly, don't. I sent some of my best and trustworthy workers to go out to bring him back. But only when he's calm down."

"Thank you," He said to her and it was genuine gratitude, knowing that his brother was fine and more importantly not alone in this broken city gave Donnie a small amount of comfort.

"I didn't do it for you, I did it to help Mikey."

"Angel—"

" _Why_ did you lie to him? _Why_ are you trying to keep him here?"

"Do you have any idea what you did to him" She glared at him, her brown eyes almost on fire with how angry she was. "You betrayed him again."

Donnie stood up, "Angel ple—" But it seemed she was refusing to let him speak.

"Just like you betrayed our Michelangelo."

His eye twitched, "Don't you _dare_ —"

"When you left everyone Don, Mikey was devastated. Not knowing what happened to you hurt him the most out of all of us. He tried to keep to be happy, to brighten everyone's day but pretty soon his smile started to slowly fade away and become fake." Tears filled her eyes as she continued. "When Master Splinter died and Mikey lost his arm— that's when he completely changed. Leo and Raph tried to snap him out of it, it ended up with the three of them fighting. And Raph lost and eye because of it, because of Mikey but mostly because of you. "

He couldn't take it anymore, " _Please, **stop**_." Voice coming out a choked hoarse tone.

"Why did you leave, Donnie!?" Angel said loudly her calm composure completely disappearing. " _Answer me!_ "

"BECAUSE I THOUGHT I HAD TOO!" Donatello screamed drawing his hand back as he slammed it against the wall as tears fell from his eyes, "Someone came to me— all those years ago and told me that I'd be the cause of my families destruction." He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and meet Angel's wide-from-shock eyes. "I left because I thought that would be the best option for everyone's survival. It was only until recently after you kicked me out of New York that I realized what the warning had actually meant."

He fell to the floor once again. "I thought by leaving, no matter how much it hurt would be the best way to help you all, but what the warning was actually telling was to _not leave_ that I would cause everyone's suffering if I left." A bitter laughed escaped his throat. "But I didn't know that at the time. I'm suppose to be the smart one and I didn't think of that possibility, some genius I am." And for once Angel wasn't looking through him like she had done before, she wasn't looking at him and only seeing a shell of someone who use to be her friend, no Angel was looking at him, concern etched on her face.

She looked at the way he was sitting, the scars of his body and the small knife attached to his belt. "Donnie?" Her voice soft which Donnie thought weird, he hasn't heard that tone in 30 years. "Where were you before you came here?"

"On the outskirts of the city near the _Anguis'_ territory. It's where I found Mikey... _the other_ Mikey." Don answered though confused on why she was asking such a question.

"What— What were you doing there? Those things only come either when someone invades their home or when they sense that someone— has given up and wants..." She trailed off as she looked at Donatello now, fully looked at him.

Donnie merely meet her gazeand rubbed the back of his neck, staying silent.

"Why?"

"Because I couldn't live with what I done anymore, because the guilt was killing me and making me go insane, because the voices inside my head wouldn't leave me alone, because without my family there really was no reason in living at all, because there was just no point in existing anymore." He realized how scarily calm his voice sounded, even though his heart felt like it was breaking all over again and tears were cascading down his cheeks.

"And because I wanted to them all again. I wanted to see Mikey's smiling face and bounce around like a spinning top, I wanted Raph to capture me in a headlock and give me a noogie, I wanted Master Splinter to put his hand on my shoulder and say how much he's missed me, I wanted Leo to wrap his arm around me and welcome me home."It was then that his voice started breaking, his body violently shook with emotions.

"I wanted my brothers back, my father, my friends. I wanted— _wished_ for everything to be okay again." He wrapped his arms around himself to try and cease the tremors that racked his frame. "And then a younger version of one of my brothers appeared, he needed help— needed saving and was so lost and confused and scared that I thought that this was Fate's way of stopping me, that it was giving me a second chance. Mikey being with me, it made me realize just how much I depended on my family, his optimism made the voices go away. Mikey made me feel happy for the first time in so long. And even though I knew it was wrong, I just..." He trailed off as he looked at his scared trembling hands through blurry vision. "Didn't want to give that up, give him up when I just got him back."

"Don..." She whispered, her voice quivering.

Then suddenly there was a noise to his right, looking up he saw Mikey standing there, his baby blue eyes were bloodshot as thick tears fell in different directions down his young face. His own hurt and sadness dissipated when he saw the state his baby brother was in, his protective instincts kicking into overdrive in that instant. Shooting up like a top he began walking to him, wondering just who in their right mind would dare make Mikey cry so violently. "Mikey, what's wrong—"

His sentence was cut off when Mikey launched himself forward, arms wrapping around his shell and squeezing tight, terrified to let him go and started full blown sobbing. He realized then, that he was the reason Mikey was crying. Because Mikey had heard his conversation with Angel, his brother had heard everything, had heard him say that he tried to kill himself.

Immediately, he started rubbing soothing circles on Michelangelo's shell. "Aw, Mikey... please don't cry."

But his brother wasn't listening. "I-I'm sorry!" He said brokenly, he repeated this over and over like a mantra. "I'm sorry I assumed that you'd lie to me and want to keep me here was because you were being selfish. I should have realized that you had a reason for everything, like you always do!" Mikey cried out, his voice muffled as he buried his face in Donnie's neck. "I'm sorry that you were alone for so long, that you were so hurt that you wanted too... Even if you aren't my Donnie, the thought you or him trying to— Please, don't give up Donnie. I'm sorry for not understanding, I love you, I'm so sorry."

And then just like that, the tables turned. Now it was Donnie clinging to Mikey. Now it was the depressed genius receiving comfort. " _I'm_ sorry! I know it's horrible and selfish, I don't want you to go! I'm sorry, I'm selfish and a dis-disgusting monster and I'm so sorry." He choked out as he fell to his knees, taking Mikey with him. "I don't want to be alone anymore, I want my family back— I feel as though I'm drowning and the voices won't leave me alone and you make them go away."

They held each other like they use to when they were children and one of them had a bad dream. Silently, Angel walked over and embraced the two of them, pulled them close to her.

Her own guilt and loneliness trickling down her cheeks.

* * *

And chapter 4 is officially **_done_** thank god, it took me long enough. I'll be honest with you guys, getting to this point in the story was something I was really looking forward to writing. The reveal on just _why_ (at least my interpretation) Donnie disappeared and **_why_** he was in the _Anguis_ home that day he found Mikey even though he knows they are vicious creatures that kill anyone on sight.

I feel like I must apologize for all the crying in this story. My reason is very simple; Mikey has always a sensitive turtle, he's more prone to showing tears and crying because of that. Whereas given Donnie's mental condition, combined with what he's done and being clinically depressed makes him even more emotionally unstable, so the tears and crying come more easily.

Anyway thoughts? Did it give you all the feels like it did me? Please leave them in a review and I'll see you all soon!


End file.
